Brief Reflections on Love, Courtship, and Marriage

I am biting off more than I can chew with this post so I am in quite familiar territory!

Ever since I ended my last relationship I have been in almost constant reflection about the meaning of love, dating, marriage, and the like. The Lord has truly revealed more things to me than I could possibly encapsulate in this blog, but I would like to touch on just a few.

For years as I have contemplated my vocation, the question has always been "Is the priesthood my calling?" It is a good question. But then, it is only half of the entire vocation question. Not until recently did I ask myself "Is married life my calling?" We may often think that the priesthood is for the very saintly and spiritually developed, and rightly so. However, why should not those called to married life be just as saintly and spiritually developed? Marriage is, in a different respect, a form of sacrificial priesthood as is that of the clergyman. The man and the woman, in total sacrificial love, give themselves to one another for the sake of creating children and furthering their unconditional love for one another, which is blessed by God. Likewise a priest gives himself totally to the Church in order to bear spiritual children and deepen in his own love of our Lord. The path is the same: sanctification and salvation.

The key words with regard to love, which is so lost in our society, are sacrifice and selflessness. While I have always been pained in some degree by the way that women in particular are harmed by frivolous dating relationships and the burdens of filling that God-shaped hole in our hearts, as of late it has become a most piercing pain in my heart. How I pray that women and men alike may grow to respect each other's dignity to the fullest, both in that Christian charity to which we must be witness with everyone, and in that more exclusive love reserved to those discerning marriage through courtship, and of course in marriage, which is the most exclusive of relationships in that it alone is procreative. What a beautiful sacrament!

Because marriage is sanctioned by our Lord as a sacrament and makes us co-creators with God the Father, any courting relationship must be centered on Him through prayer, mutual edification, and, most importantly, true Christian love. The number one priority must be the good of the other with a mind to how effective that relationship will be in the short-term as courtship and long-term with marriage. While there are certainly many beautiful emotions and feelings that could come with being with another who we love and seek to know better, the foundation of the relationship must be a very intelligent, almost objective knowledge that time is worth being consecrated to that person. Yes, that person may make you happy, may be fun to be around, and may even be very attractive, but those are secondary traits. We must ask ourselves questions like: is he/she strong in the Faith or aspiring to a deeper Faith? is he/she responsible and mature? is he/she aware of the profundity of the courtship process and the marriage bond? is he/she compassionate and selfness as opposed to self-seeking? etc. etc. Issues of "physical compatibility" must be avoided like the plague as they gravely cloud our judgment. The rule of thumb is to never do anything that you would be ashamed of recounting to your parents and, more importantly, to our Lord.

Above all, before even engaging in a courting relationship, we must know ourselves intimately, which comes first and foremost by knowing our Lord. Inasmuch as we know of His love for us, His expectations, His commandments, and His life on earth, we will know where we stand. We must most certainly be fully honest with ourselves. There is no reason to rush, but neither must we be complacent or slow to seek the answers we need. Only then, knowing who we are, can we offer ourselves to another fully and fearlessly.

1 Cor: 4-13
Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never falleth away: whether prophecies shall be made void, or tongues shall cease, or knowledge shall be destroyed. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child. We see now through a glass in a dark manner; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known. And now there remain faith, hope, and charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity.

From darkness to light: my pro-life journey

Unto the end, a psalm for David, to bring to remembrance that the Lord saved him.
O God, come to my assistance; O Lord, make haste to help me.
Let them be confounded and ashamed that seek my soul:
Let them be turned backward, and blush for shame that desire evils to me: Let them be presently turned away blushing for shame that say to me: Tis well, tis well.
Let all that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee; and let such as love thy salvation say always: The Lord be magnified.
But I am needy and poor; O God, help me. Thou art my helper and my deliverer: O Lord, make no delay.
Ps 69:1-6

By the grace of God I have mustered the courage to write this forthcoming reflection which comes after a period of months that has greatly awakened me to a past blindness.

I have been blessed beyond measure by our Lord and His servants to have been drawn into pro-life activism in a way that I only wish I would have had the courage to do earlier. From the first moment I was told what an abortion is, I abhorred it and was troubled that such a thing could be legal. However could I have been so complacent?

I was raised in a small country town named Ocala where life was always calm and we lived relatively peaceful lives. My parents moved us there so we’d be free from the troubles of city life and may God bless them for the choice. I heard repeatedly about abortion from my beloved priest at Mass but always trusted that others were working hard to do something about it, although in reality the question of what I could do about it never crossed my mind. I never knew anyone who had an abortion, nor did I ever see one, nor did I sense the urgency. I knew it is a great evil, but I went on living.

Upon coming to college, I faced a new world, a world where things I had never seen nor ever dreamt could exist were indeed present. This greatly troubled me and I was swept into this turbulent place trying to find some sort of reason. From the shelter of my home I wrote angrily against the moral depravity in the university and I even decried abortion in articles that I posted online and submitted to the newspaper. And yet I still did not find the courage to go out and do what so many of my friends were already doing- going to the front lines of the American holocaust and fighting for the lives of those who are silent. Abortion was just one of those many evils on that list of things that I abhorred and wanted nothing to do with. I was comfortable in my shell of self-fulfillment and spiritual discovery. I railed against the rampant apathy of America and did not even see sense my own spiritual anesthesia.

Frustrated by my spiritual pursuits but still dogged by an indomitable desire to seek the Good, I fell into the snares of the modernist university. Thinking myself on the path towards the Truth and content with my carefree life, I embarked on an academic search for things universal and profound. I found myself in the whirlwind of error, delving into evil and perverted philosophies of man and the society, indulging in impurity in my behavior, and all the while seeking to reconcile it with what I felt deep down to be true- that wisdom and grace imparted by that Church which I so longed to love. And yet I found no contentment in such teaching. I shunned the world but indulged in it. My mind was constantly tormented.

It is impossible to say what it was that ultimately drew me from this terrible snare placed by the Deceiver but I know that the Ghost was always moving, always inspiring, and often speaking to me through those I grew to love as friends. I saw myself in a futile pursuit of joy where I knew I could not find it. I sought to eradicate suffering from my life. It was not until I discovered the blessings that my sufferings had imparted to me that I realized how richly blessed I had been, how infinitely loved I truly was! So I embraced suffering, I submitted to the pain, and I grew to love my sadness, for in the measure that my heart was wearied by sin it was all the more exalted by the abundant mercy of my Lord. I had seen life as something to control, to conquer, to manipulate. It became something to behold, to experience, to absorb every minute of. It became a blessing. And thus I truly began to live through deepened prayer, through a truer adherence to the teaching of Holy Mother Church, and through a purer pursuit of what in my heart of hearts I yearned for as Truth. The troubles have still been there, as have the sufferings and the crosses of everyday life, and yet what solace have I encountered in that one Passion of the Cross. That most agonizing and glorious Passion!

Therefore when I was invited to pray before the local abortion mill by a dear friend in a most fortuitous manner, not a single stirring of fear or hesitation arose. I went and I beheld that awful place. I saw tears in my friends’ eyes. The hot burning candle wax of flames fading into the night pierced my soul. I could never turn my back again. After years of complacency I could never turn away from those evils which I so despise, which so wrenches my heart, which so torments that creation of God that is Man- apathy, despair, lust, pride.

How much evil has lingered because of my inaction? How many children have been murdered for my fear and apathy? How many souls have been lost for my deficiency of prayer?

Oh Lord, into thy hands I commend my spirit. Do unto me as you will. Deign, in thine infinite mercy, to forgive so pitiful a sinner as I, and grant that I may never more dare to offend Thee, that I may once again live to Thee, that I may forevermore be only thine.

Ephesians 6: 11-20
Put you on the armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the deceits of the devil. For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood; but against principalities and power, against the rulers of the world of this darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places. Therefore take unto you the armour of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and to stand in all things perfect. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of justice, And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace: In all things taking the shield of faith, wherewith you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one. And take unto you the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit (which is the word of God). By all prayer and supplication praying at all times in the spirit; and in the same watching with all instance and supplication for all the saints: And for me, that speech may be given me, that I may open my mouth with confidence, to make known the mystery of the gospel. For which I am an ambassador in a chain, so that therein I may be bold to speak according as I ought.